The Wanderers Team prior to the race.

Wanderers Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Real at the 10th Annual River to Sea Relay

On August 6, 2005, Wanderers Chris Verry, Polly Jansen, Susan Hurrey, Megan Boyle, Dennis Crowne, Randy Clever, and Petra Kretschmann demolished the 82-odd teams vying for coveted first place in the 10th Annual River to Sea Relay, a 92 mile, 14-legger spanning from Milford, New Jersey to the beaches of Manasquan, NJ. This, of course, is a staggering fabrication of the actual events. To fully understand the actual outcome of the race, one must first delve deeply into the disturbing psyche of the cast of the Wanderer's R2C relay team. We hold the following truths to be self-evident.

1. Randy has bad Car-ma AND bad Foot-a. One can only assume that Randy kicked a puppy in a previous life. Not only did his car, one of our 2 support vehicles, take a dirt nap on the 3rd leg of the relay, Randy's 3rd metatarsal flipped him the bird, so to speak, nearing the end of the 13th leg, rendering him as lame as his car. Randy, the consummate trooper refused to allow the team to hog-tie and carry him back to the stinky solace of the Technovan. Pride aside, we all look forward to Randy's revenge at next year's R2C.

2. Susan sees dead things. What's a race without a little road kill? Clearly, Susan's first leg, a hot and hilly footslog devoid of any support (as the lone support vehicle was busy putting 14,000 miles on the Technovan shuttling the leftover Wanderers hither and thither) was not as traumatic as her easy, yet steamy last leg where upon seeing a "weird looking dead animal with really sharp looking teeth," she mused, "glad he's dead so he can't bite me." Nonetheless, Susan whizzed through the dead zone and her last leg with amazing aplomb.

3. Polly is a Pollyanna. Poor Polly. First and foremost, Polly had to hitchhike to her leg while the Technovan rescued the stranded Wanderers from leg 3. Like Susan, Polly had to run her first screaming hot and hilly leg with absolutely no support. To add insult to injury, Polly missed a turn an ended up amongst some beautiful, but non-edible gingerbread houses on the wrong road. Luckily, there were plenty of do-gooders around to provide Polly with water. It is clear, however, that they dosed her with something since during both of her legs Polly smiled from ear to ear as if she were riding a unicorn under a firmament of 1000 rainbows instead of running on steaming asphalt. Our Positive Polly. She never gave up hope. Never.

4. Chris was completely useless. I mean, geez, aside from organizing the whole Wanderers relay team, making all of the arrangements, and running 2+ legs totaling some 20+ miles, this guy is just plain lazy. But seriously folks, kudos to Chris who as team captain solely orchestrated the entire event for the Wanderers, ran two of the most demanding legs AND then proceeded to continue onto a third when the Rescue Wanderers had not made it back in time to make the exchange. However, the team does not forgive him for taking care of absolutely everything except for directions back to Philadelphia from Manasquan. Sheesh!

5. Megan is a liar. When we applied for this race, each team member had to provide his or her 5K time. Having had a year of WR's (worst records), I, of course lied. When it came time to run my first leg, (an absurd combo of cornfields and corporate centers), such was the fear that I would be exposed that I scooted to the exchange point posthaste with all the might my two sausage legs could muster. Luckily, I came in under projected time. What did I learn from this experience? Lying makes you run faster. See you in Boston 2006.

6. Petra is unflappable. On any given day, Petra will tell you that she ran 15 miles, swam 10,000 meters, and biked for 6 hours, and then matter-of-factly state that "It vuz okay," as if she spent the afternoon at a mediocre movie. Well, that's exactly how she was during the R2C. While the rest of us teetered on the edge of a five alarm freak out, Petra strode unfettered through her legs, and like Chris picked up some extra mileage for a 3rd leg. Then she calmly retreated to the Technovan to snack on some treats, kick up her feet, and document the whole fiasco for us on videotape.

7. Dennis runs fast, but drives even faster. Crowne ran his first leg so quickly and smoothly that I thought he was on a Segway. However, he drove so fast and furious that I'm certain he had a death wish. Dennis more than made up for Mr. Crowne's Wild Ride on leg 14 when he ran a mile out to tag the gimpy Randy, as the rest of us, Dairy Queen delights in hand wished him a fond adieu for the team's final leg. The Technovan full of Wanderers finally arrived at the finish to find Dennis had been waiting for us for 20 minutes and that we had missed the award ceremony.

8. The Wanderers Show Up. No, of course, we didn't place first. We placed 73rd and proud of it. When the going got tough, the Wanderers didn't run to the nearest buffet or tattoo parlor to ease their pain. No, the Wanderers collectively raised theirs fists decrying "obstacles schmalobastacles! We shall overcome!" And that we did. See y'all next year, ya hear.

Related links: Main Story | Photo Album 1 | Photo Album 2

Other links: Official Results (pdf) | Official Photos