Wanderers Give It the Ol' College Try at
the Half-Wit Half Marathon

by Polly Jansen

While those using at least 1/2 of their brain were indoors sipping margaritas with the air conditioning blasting, Wanderers Chris Moore, Dennis Crowne, Chris Verry and Polly Jansen braved the mind-numbing heat and crazy terrain of yet another French Creek Park trail race August 14th. Joining the ranks of over 400 eccentric runners on the 13.1 mile venture, they plodded over the ankle-wrenching ground, leaped over fallen trees and blazed their own paths when the trail mysteriously disappeared under layers of dead leaves and rocks.

It was a virtual uphill battle as participants were at times forced to walk, crawl or claw their way up the seemingly endless inclines including a flight of 128 "steps" (actually a bunch of uneven rocks posing as stairs). Adding insult to injury (literally) were the precarious downhills which runners carefully zig-zagged through, many grabbing onto each sapling as their only lifeline. Only 356 insane runners finished the race. For those folks who enjoy an adult beverage after a hard run, why wait until the end of the race when you could have all the keg beer you wanted at mile 9.6 and 12.5?! One crazy fool drank 15 beers, somehow managed to finish the race and was rewarded with a case of his very own (his name was not Chris Verry)!

As luck would have it for the Wanderers, the event was not without its character-building challenges. Chris Moore had to muster his orienteering skills after he and a pack of runners lost their way in the desolate "No Trail Zone." Despite the extra time, Chris still managed to pull off a 7th place finish in his age group, 18th overall, with a time of 2:07:40. The sojourn quickly became a trail of tears for Polly who fell on an already scraped up knee and was told by paramedics that they had nothing to clean it with but a sterile water pad! But don't cry for me, fellow Wanderers. I dusted myself off and finished 123rd overall, with a time of 2:40:24.

Dennis, looking forward to a much deserved water break at mile 6 was instead greeted with an empty cooler and a lot of bewildered looks (apparently this water stop was just a mirage). While licking the last drops out of the discarded cups on the ground or ambushing another runner for their water bottle seemed like viable options, Dennis managed to marshal his "hard core" endurance for the rough road ahead and finished 303rd overall, with a time of 3:26:10. Chris Verry enjoyed his run through the 7th layer of hell as any self-respecting glutton for pain would. However, when he passed the keg stops and got a big whiff of the special beverage, he actually used the logical half of his brain and waited until after the race to indulge. This burst of wisdom paid off as Chris finished 3rd in his age group, 15th overall, with a time of 2:05:57. Chris 1 and Chris 2 were rewarded with unique trophies granting us the right to call each of them a "horse's ass."

by Polly Jansen

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