Breaking News: Six Wanderers Test Positive for Stupid Pills, Finish Ultra Relay

By Megan Boyle

Over the weekend of June 9-11. Wanderers Chris Verry, Polly Jansen, Dennis Crowne, Monica Ranly, Tony Carfagna, and Megan Boyle rolled up to Vermont to participate in the First Annual Green Mountain Relay.

In the weeks prior to the Green Mountain Relay vicious rumblings of doom and gloom circulated throughout Wanderer's HQ suggesting that the Ultra team would be undone in Vermont, not by the grueling 197-mile relay course but the 30-odd hours of non-stop Type A personality face time and the funkiness of six closely cordoned hot sweaty bods. 

Would Megan and Chris bicker over sarcastic remark supremacy reenacting the rumble scene between the Sharks and the Jets? Would Tony and his inhospitable eating habits ultimately starve to death?  Would Crownie slowly but surely stroke out while Monica's restless leg syndrome landed her in an altogether different state leaving the Unsinkable Polly Jansen and her maniacal smiling to finish the relay solo? 

No.  As a matter of fact, the Ultra team was all business searing through the first half of the relay in the mercilessly wet and clammy weather. 

The second half of the relay, under the cover of night and threat of beast proved to be more challenging for the team.

Nonetheless, sleep deprived and suffering from severe cases of Clif Bararrhea and Gatoraditis, the Ultra team barged headlong through their remaining legs powered by the lure of food not made from birdseed and sleeping accommodations not normally occupied by 15 butts. 

The Wanderer's Ultra Team functioned like a well-oiled machine never stopping for rest, food, or a good old fashioned cry.  More details would follow if any coherent memory of the event was preserved.

Meet the Team!

Runner 1- Tony Carfagna (legs 1, 7, 13, 19, 25, 31)
Code name: My food must be monochromatic
Training: Convalescing. Worrying. Agonizing.
Running style:  In sickness and in health, Tony flew through his legs fresh from having the flu.

Runner 2- Dennis Crowne (legs 2, 8, 14, 20, 26, 32)
Code name: Nosferatu
Training: 800,000 races and a marathon three weeks prior.
Running Style: When he wasn't driving, he was running. When he wasn't running, he was driving.  When he wasn't driving or running, he wasn't sleeping.  Dennis Crowne is a vampire. A driving and running vampire.

Runner 3- Chris Verry (legs 3, 9, 15, 21, 27, 33)
Code name: Shave and a haircut, two bits
Training: Running, biking, swimming, incendiary commenting.
Running Style: Zippity doo-dahing his way through six legs, happily returning fist pumps in response to Ultra van's beep-beep-beep-beep-beeps.

Runner 4- Megan Boyle (legs 4, 10, 16, 22, 28, 34)
Code name: Road Rage
Training: Running then baking followed by more running and more baking.
Running Style: Unruffled by 6 relay legs.  Ruffled by impolitic porta-potty incident with Vermont Hot Shoes.

Runner 5- Monica Ranly (legs 5, 11, 17, 23, 29, 35)
Code Name: Biohazard
Training: Youth and Pixie dust.
Running Style: Each of her 6 legs were "silent but violent," not unlike her frequent assault on the Ultra van's air quality.

Runner 6- Polly Jansen (legs 6, 12, 18, 24, 30, 36)
Code Name: The Postman
Training: Running, biking, swimming, conflict resolution.
Running Style: Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor dark of night stayed this courier from her appointed rounds.

The Bold and the Beautiful

Never disturb a man during his daily constitutional

Runs in Pants passes Falling Water

Separated at birth, Megan rushes to reunite with Monica

The Postman delivers

Wanderers bum rush the finish line

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